yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
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We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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