There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
