Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
