my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
