is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
