I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
