I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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