Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
