remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
