Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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