God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
