Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I need a beard to bite.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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