my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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