I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
