He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
