Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
