"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
