who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize