If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
