So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
