Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
