I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
