Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
