Michael Bay diarrhea
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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