So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
