Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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