you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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