You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
