New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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