They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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