She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
