What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
