If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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