I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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