lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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