Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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