ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
