Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
