Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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