I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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