just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
