When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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