he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
