When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
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...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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