sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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