He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize