These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
