i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Randomize
