Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
