Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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