We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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