the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
