why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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