I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
