There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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