big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Randomize
