i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
