I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize