This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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