Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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