I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
