nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
