so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
