i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
