I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
