I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
