We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
