I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
