Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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