Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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