broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
