ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
time to smoke my breakfast
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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