I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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