i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
