Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
