Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
