In the future we'll all be gay
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
