Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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